Just Let Go!

This is the only answer to the links in life that make you weak – LET GO!

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 One: “My best friend back-stabbed me? I can’t believe it. For a single bloody project in office she used MY collection of data and put it all up for her credits. Bitch! You gotta pay back someday soon.”

 Two: “Richard thinks that he is the only one who can cheat on me? This is what I get in return of all my loyalty and love for my husband in all these years? Wait till I wash his dirty linen in public. He can’t inflict hurt and leave. Just like that!!!”

 Three: “He calls himself my cousin? Remember when he was in financial crisis, I was the only one to lend him a handsome amount, and that too absolutely  unconditionally and now when it is his time to return me the favour, he says he doesn’t remember. Cheap scoundrel!! I’ll make his dying soul wrawl.”

Four, five, six and more such incidences go on and on, without a full stop.  There can’t actually be a full stop, you see. Our poor little heart is so sensitive and akin to getting ‘hurt’ that by now, it is but an integral part of our life. We live, we love and we get ‘hurt’. The day we cease to live, the day we won’t get hurt ever again. The inevitable cycle that it is, the only question arises is what do we do when we feel ‘hurt’?

We may choose to sulk, get back in our tortoise shell, become somber, curse our stars and when none of the above works, we get used to a perfect melancholic mood. Alcohol, drugs, self-torture and suicide attempts become our aides. If we are kind enough to spare ourselves the torments, we certainly don’t spare our spouse, children, parents and friends who become a dump yard of our anger and disgust.

In case we belong to the chic-generation of go-getters who consider themselves smarter than many around, we choose a different path. That of ferociously pounding back with an ‘I’ll teach him a lesson’. We strategize over days, concoct, and think of fixing up the mess created by the culprit but at the end of all the worthless cleansing-effort, sadly and cruelly mess up two lives or who knows, even more! Trust me, after having done all the hateful ugly jobs of revenge, we like phony imposters pretend innocence by remaining still so naïve and guiltless, as if whatever we did is justifiable. The logic given is simple – “You step on my foot, I’ll step on yours with double the load”. So what if both of us end up with a sore foot each!  

It makes me wonder – is sulking or teaching them a lesson worth it? Isn’t holding onto negative feelings like grasping a hot coal in hand with the intent of throwing it at someone else when it I who would get burnt in first place?

It is about wisdom. When someone has hurt us, we don’t have to be the one who punishes them. If we are a Christian, a Muslim, or a Jew, surely we would believe that God will punish them enough? Isn’t it? If we are Buddhist, a Hindu, or a Sikh, we would know that karma will provide our assailant with their desserts. And if we are a follower of the modern religion of psychotherapy, we know that our assailant will have to go through years of expensive therapy because of their guilt! So why do we necessarily have to be the one who "teaches them a lesson?"

What goes around, comes around, be through the diktats of some religion, karma or psychotherapy. However, the cycle of the diktat shall CATCH ON only when we LET GO.

So let us do our self a favour: Let us ‘Let Go’! Identify the links in our life that weaken our potential or the people who pull us down and understand that as long as this list remains in our hand, our persona is diminishing. Understand that the very presence of these people and these acts of unkindness in our lives is turning us feeble day by day and the longer we choose to hold on to it, stronger the infection within our body will become. Before it destroys us, we have to kill it and Kill it by letting it go!

Once detached, Lady Universe will be back on her job. She’ll take care of whatever shit we throw in her pond of dirt. Cleanse it or pop it out, let the Lady do her work while we get back on ours. The work of staying comfortable and spreading happiness. Now and forever. So, cheers!!!

Stay alive! Be grateful!

Until an year back, the above lines were no more than a passable quote for me. I thought it was the most overrated ‘lecture’ one could get to keep reminding ourselves that we were alive. I mean, of course, we were ‘alive’! So what is the big deal in it? I don’t have to smile about it every passing day? I have my long list of "To Do’s” to accomplish before I set my mouth smiling 180 degrees. Career goals are unmet, my body isn’t in shape, have to raise my children befittingly, take care of my old parents, contribute to society at large, write a book may be, visit places across the globe, complete my Indian Classical music course, pick up other hobbies, bring up my NGO nationwide and so much alike to do. Must I congratulate myself and smile back at being alive at a stage when everything I’ve taken up either half-done or hasn’t started yet?

Then, I received the news.

I had been diagnosed for a suspicious lump in my breast which could threaten my life. Without wasting a day to ponder over the sudden mishap and ‘why’ it chose me, I was put through the series of rigorous medical rites. Mammography, FNAC, MR-M, Core biopsy, all followed one after the other. After a gruesome phase and body ripping apart, I was officially declared ‘luckier’ when the oncologist advised performing a preventive lumpectomy at the earliest. Darkness had spared me by a margin and I got operated with three masses removed.

All of a sudden my world seemed smaller. No more flying ambitions, complaints, cribbage and lofty dreams. All I wanted was immense love and warmth from my close ones. All I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with them in a healthier and happier way. All I wanted was to give to them as much as I could today for there could be no tomorrow.

However, getting back to life with physical recuperation I probably got away with mental dismay also in the humdrums of daily routine. The inner greed of the soul to want more and more overpowered all wisdom and in no time I slightly began taking things for granted. Again! As I was getting back to my regular schedule of living, I emerged a cautious and better person but secretly nourished my own share of grudges towards life.

One year past, when normalcy was almost getting restored, the suspicious masses reappeared. It seemed like more lessons were to be learnt. More wisdom remained to be acquired. More love and more solace needed to begin to ‘appreciate’ life.

The medical rituals fell back into its place and I was again fighting for my bit of existence. More pleasant words were no longer “Thank You, Please or Sorry”. Instead, it was “It’s benign!”

When I look back at the bad phase of my timeline, I feel that good life is important but being alive is more important.

Today, when I came across this picture in the morning, I stopped at the second line to say a special ‘thank you’ to this waft of pure breath that I take in and out. I realise, it is indeed something to smile about.

“For the things you took for granted,

someone else is praying for.”

Begin, before it is too late...

“A year from now you may wish you had started today." ~Karen Lamb

And before I felt it was going to be too late, I picked up my pen.

With infinite thoughts running in my head and numerous write-ups stacked in personal diary, I wonder what had I been waiting for so long? That one hitch which prevents the soul from letting go? That one hesitation in your path of freedom holding you back from chasing your dream? That one indescribable hobble which you wished if it wasn’t there; you would have started one year earlier.

And that is, the fear of it ‘failing’.

What, if my blog fetches no readers? What, if I’m underrated on my flamboyant writing skills or overrated for my ornate articles? What, if for my nerdy opinions I lose a close friend or win over an unsolicited stalker?

The fear that, when my dream takes me to the edge of reality I may get to see a world that is nowhere near the periphery of the dream I spun, and that, I failed myself miserably.  These petty ‘fears’ which finally manage to convince me to stay back in my comfortable cage of wakelessness and allow me to enjoy the illusive sweetness brought by wishful thinking alone.

The ‘fear of failure’ has nipped in a thousand buds.

I want to blossom to the utmost mellowness and therefore, I must begin. Here and now.