Just Let Go

Battling Workplace Depression
(Originally published at India HR Live)
It was late in the evening some days ago when I received a call from a local hospital informing that a family friend had been admitted to its  Intensive Care Unit in a frayed mental condition, perhaps in a failed suicide attempt. This ‘friend’ was rather my husband’s colleague..... Read More

 The Bugs Of Negativity
Eeewww! What the hell! Get these bugs off my hand.’

Anything other that you felt looking at this picture?

Just in case you happen to be amongst the exceptional lot who don’t mind such a creepy sight, let’s be honest enough to confess – “For how long?”

Exactly! Not even a day!....... Read More

Just Let Go

One: “My best friend back-stabbed me? I can’t believe it. For a single bloody project in office she used MY collection of data and put it all up for her credits. Bitch! You gotta pay back someday soon.”

Two: “Richard thinks that he is the only one who can cheat on me? This is what I get in return of all my loyalty and love for my husband in all these years? Wait till I wash his dirty linen in public. He can’t inflict hurt and leave. Just like that!!!”...Read More

Begin, before it is too late...

“A year from now you may wish you had started today." ~Karen Lamb

And before I felt it was going to be too late, I picked up my pen. With infinite thoughts running in my head and numerous write-ups stacked in personal diary, I wonder what had I been waiting for so long? ... Read More

Battling Workplace Depression

This is a reproduction of my post which got first published on "India HR Live" in guest post series (26th March 2015, 10:24 IST): Battling Workplace Depression

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It was late in the evening some days ago when I received a call from a local hospital informing that a family friend had been admitted to its  Intensive Care Unit in a frayed mental condition, perhaps in a failed suicide attempt. This ‘friend’ was rather my husband’s colleague. A happy-go-lucky guy on the face of it who had joined us in a common official party just a weekend ago at the financial-year end celebrations. Nothing then seemed unusual, obvious or even slightly dispiriting? I wondered what led him to this fearful fate so suddenly.

At the hospital, inside the frightful chamber on a confined corner bed punctured with in numerous machine recesses, our friend was struggling with life and death. He had tried to slit his wrist and would have almost bled to death when someone who had noticed, rushed him to the hospital. His devastated wife kept weeping bitterly before us. She could not let go of her guilt of not believing when he repeatedly said that his work depresses him so much that at times he wants to end his life. “I thought it’s just a casual common remark in a bad phase in office which he’ll easily cope with. All of us go through such depression at some point or the other. Don’t we?”

Casual, Common. Easily Cope. All of us go through….?I stopped to think for a moment. Hell, NO! It isn’t as casual as we think it is?

The scariest proposition about coping with any depression is not accepting it as a disorder per se. To be treating it as some ‘bad phase’ that will either pass by with time or with non-serious suggestions from friends and colleagues or with silly non-technical meditating exercises or with popping in sleeping pills or even with some neighborhood aunt’s homely advices. When the fact is, all this make the disorder worse, often leading to the unexpected last resort – Suicide!

The most ironic part of the tragedy is that it is pretty preventable. As a society, we often miss the chance to help those who want to help themselves and instead chide the victim with a societal stigma by singling him out. After all, who would want to be called a ‘mental case’ in office that people will pity, call out names, joke about, sympathize or whose name will likely be pulled down from appraisal sheets and promotion lists? Sadly, depression at work is often lackadaisically overlooked by the sufferer himself, ignored by his so-called educated workfellows and let gone without being treated.

My friend’s family confided that in past few months the man who everybody identified as  ‘always cheerful’ was emotionally disenchanted with work, upset with office politics, complained about inadequate work systems, avoided making it to social gatherings, stared at a blank computer screen for several minutes and sometimes randomly broke into tears. His ‘to-do’ list in the diary which once looked organized and up to date was now filled with red marks or warning circles. His alcohol consumption increased five times and he’d blow up cigarettes after cigarettes throwing fag circles in the air for several continuous hours. He would not sleep till late night, unsubscribe from whatsapp and facebook groups, failed meeting work deadlines, felt guilty towards the incompetence he was showing in work and do self-shame about facing his boss. No one realized that the darkness of depression was gradually setting its dismal foot in his otherwise comfortable life. He needed psychiatric help badly. NOW!

It is very difficult to ascertain what causes depression.  Not always it’s the huge pile of unfinished work, hard work environment, politics-power play and the feeling of being treated unfairly the culprits. Factors such as genetic vulnerability, severe life stressors, substances one may be taking (like drugs and alcohol) and medical conditions that can lead to faulty mood regulation in the brain. Everyone is different and it’s often a combination of factors that can lead to a ‘chemical imbalance’ in the brain which relay incongruous messages between brain cells, leading to depression.

Does this sound like freaking bad a condition? Well! Millions across the globe are partners-in-trouble to this single problem called workplace depression and are together fighting to get over the evils of this beast. There is no dearth of help if one seeks to find. Pills, prescriptions, meditation techniques, art of living, holiday breaks, picking up a hobby, chucking out the negatives from one’s life and talking it out, you name it and you have it. But here’s the big question. Will my dress fit you perfect? If no, then how will my life’s stress-buster fit yours? So the best is, let’s stop giving or taking random tips and advice from a jamboree of a fish market and help the patient run for the expert who knows what best must be done.

This post is written as much from the pain of seeing a friend face an undeserved life-threat as from the bewilderment of insensitivity we show to people who are already fighting a hard battle to combat depression. There may be a shade of my friend in me or in you or in anyone sitting near you in office. Before glancing the person a mocking or a pitiful look, stop to think over – “The strongest persons are not who show strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.”

Let’s help those who want to help themselves. Maybe, we end up saving a life

The Bugs Of Negativity

‘Eeewww! What the hell! Get these bugs off my hand.’

Anything other that you felt looking at this picture?

Just in case you happen to be amongst the exceptional lot who don’t mind such a creepy sight, let’s be honest enough to confess – “For how long?”

Exactly!

Not even a day!

Why when we hate the idea of black ants clinging to our body for long, we so easily permit the real black bug of ‘negativity’ stick to us like it was always there, like our closest mate, like we were born with it!

It is time that we rub it off our mind and body. But the big question is ‘how’? Here’s the list of solutions that could help us get rid of it, coming to mind:

1)   Shout your lungs out for help

Really? Hahaha..!

All the help that you are likely to get is a roar of laughter from the nearby public who’d be finding your panic situation an entertainment promo of a reality TV show. Doesn’t work at all! While you’d be running with the ants of negative thoughts on your mind all around the market, it won’t be funny to rule out the option that the ants themselves are laughing back at your stupidity.

2)   Pray, the bugs run away.

Oh My God!!

The mighty merciful God will descend from Heaven above and stroke your hands with some feather of love, thus, healing the soft flesh of your tiny palms? Wake up my dear, for the Lord is as merciful to ants as He is to you. He’d rather smile and pray for you instead so that you may to get the wisdom back to deal with this ‘petty’ situation. God and prayers have better work to do than just dealing with your self-nurtured fanciful negative thoughts.

3)   Shake your hand for the ants to drop off

Getting to some action – Good Idea.

Getting to some panic action - Bad Idea.

While few weaker thoughts get dropped off, the strong become stronger and tend to cling to skin more fiercely. If you think you can take a break from the routine of life or go through a transforming or short term counseling session to get rid of negative thoughts, there are chances that the most threatening ones appear stronger once your action is over.

4)    Use the other hand to ward the ants off

Works! Only so far both the hands are ready to share the burden of beasts together.

While you use the right hand to throw the ants off from the left one, half of the beasts will land up on your right. So you again reverse the cycle and use your left until they get back to where it was. Oh, let’s not forget that few of the rapid moving thoughts may spread from your hands to the entire body and even to the dearest of your body parts. Basically what happened was that your whole body, like some metphysical synergy shared the burden and pain of your single hand and relaxed your nerves a bit. If this synergy continues, possibly you will get rid of your negative emotions completely. All you need to do is find out who in your life are your right hand, body and intimate parts ready to share your pain.

5)   Use soap and water, vinegar, salt or pepper to cut them off forever

Spot-on!

The common property in these items is their ability to break down the waxy layers of the pest’s exoskeleton, causing dehydration. Devoid of necessary ingredients they require to feed on, the black bugs will leave your body either dying off in the process or begin looking for some other vulnerable prey. The only way to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions is to stop playing a ‘sponge’ that attracts everything negative from nearby surroundings, absorbs the negative emotions and lets the thoughts stay there for ages. Take the responsibility of saying “NO!” You and you alone!  Of telling the bugs that “They will be washed off forever and I will not let you FEED ON ME anymore.”

6)   Put baking soda, powdered sugar, lemon, cornmeal, mint and lavender sachets near drains, in chests, closet, pantry etc. to repel ants

You’re a wise one!

Block their way for any future entry. Once gotten rid of, the next step is to repel these ugly white creeping beasts forever from your life. Use a barricade of defense in your life which the ants can never dare to cross. Draw a circle of positive people, helping hands, smart and wise individuals, good books, genuine friends and lots of love around you. Let all those who spread negativity, pull your mood down, underestimate your strength, annoy or even colour your mood stay out of the barricade. Don’t let these bugs enter your home. It isn’t difficult at all. The bugs know where to go. They will find their new life in some other weal vulnerable ‘sponge’ and spare you.

You’re done!

Clean Hands!

Cleaner Life!

“Give yourself permission to immediately walk away 

from anything that gives you bad vibes. 

There is no need to explain or make sense of it. 

Just trust the little inner voice that is telling you.”

Just Let Go!

This is the only answer to the links in life that make you weak – LET GO!

 -------------------x------------------------

 One: “My best friend back-stabbed me? I can’t believe it. For a single bloody project in office she used MY collection of data and put it all up for her credits. Bitch! You gotta pay back someday soon.”

 Two: “Richard thinks that he is the only one who can cheat on me? This is what I get in return of all my loyalty and love for my husband in all these years? Wait till I wash his dirty linen in public. He can’t inflict hurt and leave. Just like that!!!”

 Three: “He calls himself my cousin? Remember when he was in financial crisis, I was the only one to lend him a handsome amount, and that too absolutely  unconditionally and now when it is his time to return me the favour, he says he doesn’t remember. Cheap scoundrel!! I’ll make his dying soul wrawl.”

Four, five, six and more such incidences go on and on, without a full stop.  There can’t actually be a full stop, you see. Our poor little heart is so sensitive and akin to getting ‘hurt’ that by now, it is but an integral part of our life. We live, we love and we get ‘hurt’. The day we cease to live, the day we won’t get hurt ever again. The inevitable cycle that it is, the only question arises is what do we do when we feel ‘hurt’?

We may choose to sulk, get back in our tortoise shell, become somber, curse our stars and when none of the above works, we get used to a perfect melancholic mood. Alcohol, drugs, self-torture and suicide attempts become our aides. If we are kind enough to spare ourselves the torments, we certainly don’t spare our spouse, children, parents and friends who become a dump yard of our anger and disgust.

In case we belong to the chic-generation of go-getters who consider themselves smarter than many around, we choose a different path. That of ferociously pounding back with an ‘I’ll teach him a lesson’. We strategize over days, concoct, and think of fixing up the mess created by the culprit but at the end of all the worthless cleansing-effort, sadly and cruelly mess up two lives or who knows, even more! Trust me, after having done all the hateful ugly jobs of revenge, we like phony imposters pretend innocence by remaining still so naïve and guiltless, as if whatever we did is justifiable. The logic given is simple – “You step on my foot, I’ll step on yours with double the load”. So what if both of us end up with a sore foot each!  

It makes me wonder – is sulking or teaching them a lesson worth it? Isn’t holding onto negative feelings like grasping a hot coal in hand with the intent of throwing it at someone else when it I who would get burnt in first place?

It is about wisdom. When someone has hurt us, we don’t have to be the one who punishes them. If we are a Christian, a Muslim, or a Jew, surely we would believe that God will punish them enough? Isn’t it? If we are Buddhist, a Hindu, or a Sikh, we would know that karma will provide our assailant with their desserts. And if we are a follower of the modern religion of psychotherapy, we know that our assailant will have to go through years of expensive therapy because of their guilt! So why do we necessarily have to be the one who "teaches them a lesson?"

What goes around, comes around, be through the diktats of some religion, karma or psychotherapy. However, the cycle of the diktat shall CATCH ON only when we LET GO.

So let us do our self a favour: Let us ‘Let Go’! Identify the links in our life that weaken our potential or the people who pull us down and understand that as long as this list remains in our hand, our persona is diminishing. Understand that the very presence of these people and these acts of unkindness in our lives is turning us feeble day by day and the longer we choose to hold on to it, stronger the infection within our body will become. Before it destroys us, we have to kill it and Kill it by letting it go!

Once detached, Lady Universe will be back on her job. She’ll take care of whatever shit we throw in her pond of dirt. Cleanse it or pop it out, let the Lady do her work while we get back on ours. The work of staying comfortable and spreading happiness. Now and forever. So, cheers!!!

Begin, before it is too late...

“A year from now you may wish you had started today." ~Karen Lamb

And before I felt it was going to be too late, I picked up my pen.

With infinite thoughts running in my head and numerous write-ups stacked in personal diary, I wonder what had I been waiting for so long? That one hitch which prevents the soul from letting go? That one hesitation in your path of freedom holding you back from chasing your dream? That one indescribable hobble which you wished if it wasn’t there; you would have started one year earlier.

And that is, the fear of it ‘failing’.

What, if my blog fetches no readers? What, if I’m underrated on my flamboyant writing skills or overrated for my ornate articles? What, if for my nerdy opinions I lose a close friend or win over an unsolicited stalker?

The fear that, when my dream takes me to the edge of reality I may get to see a world that is nowhere near the periphery of the dream I spun, and that, I failed myself miserably.  These petty ‘fears’ which finally manage to convince me to stay back in my comfortable cage of wakelessness and allow me to enjoy the illusive sweetness brought by wishful thinking alone.

The ‘fear of failure’ has nipped in a thousand buds.

I want to blossom to the utmost mellowness and therefore, I must begin. Here and now.